Quotes from Childbirth

At the request of my Aunt Heather, I've decided to flesh out Cal's birth story with memorable quotes from the event.

"So....I'm having a baby."

-Spoken by me, mid-contraction, after we waited politely at the L&D desk for literally 7 minutes before even one of the ten chatty nurses behind it helped us.

"I'll give you the only birthing class you'll ever need in five words: Give me the epidural now. Let's practice. Scream it till you mean it."

-My Aunt Heather, who turned out to be 100% right.

"It's about first impressions."

-Spoken by me, to my Aunt (a doctor), after she told me it didn't matter if I cleaned myself before the OB came in for the first time.

"Are you sure you don't want one? They have inspirational messages inside!"

-Me, to every person who walked through the door, about Dove milk chocolate promises.

"Brooks, you must be very popular."

-Me to the anesthesiologist.

"Don't tell me not to live! Just sit and putter!"

-Me when the nurses kept telling me not to push.

"What an awkward maneuver to have named after you."

-Me, on the infamous McRobert's maneuver.

"Melissa, I'm gonna need you to man up and push harder."

-Me, to my sweet nurse Melissa, who held my leg, after three unsuccessful pushes. 

"You've literally got one more centimeter! I see his entire head!"

"Does he have hair?"

"Um...about like Reed."

-Exchange between me and my Aunt Heather (also one of the lucky two chosen to help me during McRobert's maneuver).

"I think you exaggerated how hard that was going to be."

-Me, to my mom, just after Cal's birth (now repeated by my mother to every person either of us have ever known)