Goals: How am I doing?

I decided to look at some of the goals I've made this year, and check my progress...which isn't very good...

1. Play the Hymns: I've been working on "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" and "We Thank Thee, O God, For a Prophet" -- neither are perfected, though. This is hard without a piano, but I do have a little midi keyboard that I am perfectly capable of setting up any time I like.

2. Read/Study Preach my Gospel: This has fizzled, but I don't want it to.

3. Train for Races: Just finished the Giant Half Marathon in August, and I'm proud of myself! More so because I actually trained. I'm still running about every other day, and I have my Ragnar race coming up in a week!

4. Write in my Journal: It's still not great, but I feel like I am journaling more often than I was. It's such a positive form of self-reflection, I really don't know why I don't make more time for it!

So I guess my grades for the above would be, respectively: B-, F, A, B. C'mon, self! You can do better than that!

Inspiration vs Competition

I've recently reconnected with a friend from high school. It's funny when that happens, because inevitably, you're forced to have the awkward "hey, how have the last ten years been treating you?" conversation. As I've had more and more re-connections with her, I've realized that the things that made me want to be her friend in high school are still there, and I want to be her friend again! :) I don't know why it would surprise me so much, but it does. I know that friendships go through different stages, and that they enter and leave your life for different reasons -- many of which are not malicious at all -- but it is unexpected. It's like up here in SJ, when I'm driving, I run into the 85 all over the place. It kind of snakes around, so you can run into it twice on the same road. That's what I feel like has happened with this friend. I got off the 85, drove around for a bit, and then got on at another cross street.

I've been reading a lot about her life, and it has inspired me to do some things. She recently tried out for a play, and obviously made it bc she's super talented. I thought about that for a long time, not out of jealousy, but pure admiration. That another stay-at-home-mom could just go out and grab the things she wanted in such a simple way was very validating and justifying to me. So I did a google search for a choir, found one, and auditioned. Not because I want to compete with this friend, but because her actions made me believe I could do something cool. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? ....right???

But I can't shake the feeling that sometimes, my form of "flattery" is just obnoxious. I'm surrounded by a lot of awesome, capable friends who know how to reach for the things they want. I feel like I am constantly thinking, "WOW. I should try to do that!" But, is that stealing someone's thunder? I consider it being inspired, but is it actually just annoying?

Goals Until Christmas

As many of you know, I start thinking about Christmas in May. It's just so fun to think about Christmas. I could fill up an entire BLOG about how much I think about Christmas, haha!

Anyway, this post is about goals I have for the year. This is a purely selfish post, as is it likely to be uninteresting to anyone else.)

1. Play the Hymns: I have always felt bad about not being able to play the hymns. I mean, I took piano for 10 years! The goal was never for me to become a concert pianist, although the focus of the training was rigidly classical. I appreciate the need for classical training, but because I cannot sight-read, it has left me with a lack of practical skills. I literally have to memorize hymns in order to play them in Sacrament meeting or relief society. So...that's what I'm going to do this year. My goal is to memorize 100 hymns. Because, really, that's about all that we sing in church -- there are some hymns I've never sung. "How Long, O Lord Most Holy and True", anyone? I didn't think so.

2. Read/Study Preach my Gospel: I did this during my sophomore year at BYU, and it really helped my scripture study, and my life. (And then Vega took that peace away! Haha!) But really, I'd like to deepen my scripture study this year, as it has been found lacking in recent years.

3. Train for Races: Right now, I'm signed up for the Giant Half Marathon in August, and a Ragnar Relay in September. I want to become trained and comfortable with running again. That was a good feeling--training for the marathon back in 2005.

4. Write in my Journal: "Blog" is included in "Journal" category. I'd like to say "write in my Journal everyday," but I know that will get a little unrealistic. I just want to journal/blog more. I know that's not very specific, and goals are supposed to be quantifiable, but that is my goal, nevertheless.

Welp, I think that's it for right now. Maybe I'll come up with more later in the year. For now, these four will be me focus.

First Steps

I have a love-hate relationship with running.

It's always the same: a friend will talk me into running a race. I start researching the course and the recommended training schedule, and that leads me to articles and blogs about running technique, diet models, speed workouts...and I start getting excited. I wish there was a way to take that rush of motivation and bottle it up, because when I wake up at 6:30 to hit the pavement, I need it.

BAD.

Because I HATE the first mile of a run. Hate is a strong word, yes, but it is not strong enough to describe how I feel during those first minutes of a run. My knees and ankles creak, and my muscles feel stiff and weak, and I think, "Why do people get out of bed this early. This is really dumb."

Once I hit about mile 2.5, though, my muscles have warmed up and my blood is pumping through my body, and I could honestly keep going for a while, out of FUN, I daresay.

And then I come home and have a protein shake and bask in what a healthy lifestyle I live (aside from the half-a-cheesecake I've no doubt eaten the night before). That may be the best part--the stretching afterward, with endorphins running through my body. And BONUS: being sweaty that early in the day ensures that I'll shower and get dressed & put together by 9am. Not to mention the longer-term benefits of health and fitness.

If I know how good it feels to run and train, why is it so hard to start? It's all I can do not to let an audible groan escape my lips when I take that first step. If only that rush of momentum and motivation was there at that moment. Until it comes, I'm working on a leap of faith, believing that if I can just hold out until mile 2, it'll come, and things will get easier.

I guess everything we do to change ourselves for the better has its not-so-fun first step. There are many things I'd like to be better at doing: playing the hymns, for example. Or being well-versed in the scriptures. Just like a marathon, these things are within my power, if I can will myself to train. And usually, I don't have a problem finishing-- the problem, for me, lies with those first steps: sitting down at the piano to practice, or making time to study, memorize and apply scripture in my life.

I want this to be a year of first steps.